One Good Thing
it's been about three years since my duel with cancer. so far the score is Me-1/cancer-0, but a regime of twice-a-year checkups and tests brings home the reality that this phantom opponent would love to get back into the game.
during that dark time, friends and colleagues urged me to write about the whole sordid experience. after all, they said, you're a writer--you must share this. well, i didn't want to write about cancer, so i didn't. it seemed better to focus on getting well, rather than the grotesque and painful. on top of that, my children begged me not to--they didn't want to read the inner anguish of their mom's mind. who could blame them?
but now that some time has passed and lessons have been learned, i do have something to say about experiencing cancer. in fact, i have alot to say. but for today, here's one truth: having cancer gives a gift that comes only in the utter acceptance of the tentative nature of life. cancer wakes you up to the richness of life, regardless of class or station.
B.C. (before cancer), i thought i had a great appreciation for life and family and friends and blessings.
but there's no comparison to my P.C (post-cancer) perspective. Cases in point:
1.eyes start to glisten at every sweet moment, most of them having to do with grandhildren.
2. proactive time management: every hour matters.
3. amazing new ability to say 'no' to things that don't really matter in the long run.
4. intense desire to hear truth.
5. like a magnet, drawn to goodness and away from arrogance, triviality, and selfish behavior.
how do those things play out in the PC life? being more in tune with what truly matters becomes a control switch on life and decisions. and when you choose people over opportunity or get-ahead-ness, you become more aware of the richness of life, which dominoes into a magnified realization and joy.
example: recently i declined a dinner invitation in favor of a spend-the-night with my grandchildren. at bedtime, my 10year-old granddaughter begs to hear family anecdotes, silly stories. she's enthralled by the telling of my own childhood disobedience and my getting lost in the woods. she begs, 'tell me again how you and your brother walked to the neighborhood theater every saturday morning all by yourselves.' she laughs so hard at my silly tales, i say her giggle box is turned upside down. we promise, whoever wakes up first will wake up the other one.
next morning i'm cooking breakfast. she comes in, hugs my waist, and sweetly says, 'it's wonderful to have a grandmother.'
no prize or pricetag or public acclaim could top that moment. that's the one good thing about cancer: it makes me know and won't let me forget.
during that dark time, friends and colleagues urged me to write about the whole sordid experience. after all, they said, you're a writer--you must share this. well, i didn't want to write about cancer, so i didn't. it seemed better to focus on getting well, rather than the grotesque and painful. on top of that, my children begged me not to--they didn't want to read the inner anguish of their mom's mind. who could blame them?
but now that some time has passed and lessons have been learned, i do have something to say about experiencing cancer. in fact, i have alot to say. but for today, here's one truth: having cancer gives a gift that comes only in the utter acceptance of the tentative nature of life. cancer wakes you up to the richness of life, regardless of class or station.
B.C. (before cancer), i thought i had a great appreciation for life and family and friends and blessings.
but there's no comparison to my P.C (post-cancer) perspective. Cases in point:
1.eyes start to glisten at every sweet moment, most of them having to do with grandhildren.
2. proactive time management: every hour matters.
3. amazing new ability to say 'no' to things that don't really matter in the long run.
4. intense desire to hear truth.
5. like a magnet, drawn to goodness and away from arrogance, triviality, and selfish behavior.
how do those things play out in the PC life? being more in tune with what truly matters becomes a control switch on life and decisions. and when you choose people over opportunity or get-ahead-ness, you become more aware of the richness of life, which dominoes into a magnified realization and joy.
example: recently i declined a dinner invitation in favor of a spend-the-night with my grandchildren. at bedtime, my 10year-old granddaughter begs to hear family anecdotes, silly stories. she's enthralled by the telling of my own childhood disobedience and my getting lost in the woods. she begs, 'tell me again how you and your brother walked to the neighborhood theater every saturday morning all by yourselves.' she laughs so hard at my silly tales, i say her giggle box is turned upside down. we promise, whoever wakes up first will wake up the other one.
next morning i'm cooking breakfast. she comes in, hugs my waist, and sweetly says, 'it's wonderful to have a grandmother.'
no prize or pricetag or public acclaim could top that moment. that's the one good thing about cancer: it makes me know and won't let me forget.
great thoughts Karen, luv it.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of the credit card commerical that say all these great things for a "X" amount of $$ you get then at the end it says the final thing is priceless. Great reminders for sure.
ReplyDelete